change Archives - RChrystal

Changing plans

In Uncategorized by RChrystal / February 14, 2023 / No comments

During the past few weeks, I’ve been working on art-related projects – learning to use a tablet, setting up a shop page on my website (and all the logistics that entails), researching tax law and whether I can/should charge sales tax, submitting writing to contests, and generally making a flailing attempt at becoming An Artist, by which I mean someone who earns money for creative work. (Obviously this isn’t the actual definition of an artist, but it’s generally what one thinks when one hears the term.) My latest venture was to visit the Maker’s Mill in my town, where creative entrepreneurs and hobbyists can pay a membership fee to use any equipment in the building (as long as they’re certified), and there was a lot of equipment. I drooled all over the tour, resisting the urge to touch routers, lathes, sanders, looms, sewing machines, leather crafting tools, jewelry making sets, 3d printers… As soon as I got home, I filled out a volunteer application form in the hopes of getting a discount on the membership fee and making myself a permanent installation in the makerspace.

But some circumstances have changed.

And, at the end of the day, I don’t feel capable of optimistic dreaming, or, speaking more practically, managing the stress of ordinary adult life as well as managing a business, as well as being creative for a living, as well as marketing my art. It’s a lot to handle on a good day, and right now, it’s too much.

So I closed the shop side of my website and logged out of Instagram. I’m starting to throw out applications for regular ol’ 9-5 jobs, and checking for available housing all over my state in case I have to relocate. I’m trying not to entertain the possibility of leaving New Hampshire; the big wide world is too full of options for me to make that decision without a reason to go (i.e. a job first).

Someone I know describes moments like these as turning points – when multiple big changes happen in close succession, usually unsought. Sometimes life turns the corner for you, and it’s all you can do to go with the flow.

(The illustration at the top is of a card I sent to an older lady living alone, which is mostly unrelated to this post, but I felt like it needed to be art-related somehow.)

Sorting thoughts (and art)

In Uncategorized by RChrystal / December 31, 2022 / No comments

While I was at my mom’s house for Christmas, I took a day to perform the semi-regular ritual of sorting through my remaining boxes in the basement. There were more than I’d remembered, now living in a 220sq ft studio apartment, despite how many attempts I’ve made over the years at reducing my possessions. On previous minimalistic tears, I’ve culled, parsed, and pared down my belongings drastically from what they were ten years ago, each time making piles for trash, recycling, and donations, like a tithe to the household gods. I’ve always liked the idea of traveling light, of owning only useful things, and only what I can carry with me. I once thought about floating noncommittally around the country (who hasn’t?), packing my life up into a few bags and boxes, always ready to cut and run at a moment’s notice.

But as I dug into the boxes in my mom’s basement, I rediscovered the few things I haven’t managed to throw out or give away, despite my best efforts. I found a dress someone (I don’t know who) neatly crocheted for one of my dolls when I was a child. I found a hand-sewn bag and a Bible cover my mom made, and the Bible for which they had been meant with a note in the front cover saying “Merry Christmas! from Mommy and Daddy December 1997.” I found things which had belonged to my grandparents, things which had been given to me by old friends, notes, papers, pictures, and the last vestiges of my younger self.

I sifted through assorted bits of things, wondering what to do with the fact that the person I am now doesn’t value everything that the person who saved these things did. Can I throw things away if I don’t want them now, but did in the past? Can I give things away if someone meant for me to have them, and hoped I would find them amusing or useful or an expression of love – but I don’t want them?

I suppose that it’s alright if things had their time and place. Maybe my younger self valued Star Wars action figures and Barbies, but that doesn’t mean I have to hold the same values that I did when I was twelve.

So I tell myself, anyway, with a silent apology to my past as I put once-valued possessions in the donation box.

Some of the more interesting things I uncovered were art projects from my college years (although I majored in graphic design, my heart wasn’t in it, and I took a consolation minor in studio art). Two of the pieces from sculpture class were a round wooden shield carved in rings of knotwork (it’s easy to tell when I ran out of patience), and a Celtic cloak pin in bronze, without the pin (also where I ran out of patience). I also found a hand-bound journal which I took on a study abroad trip to France, in which I made sketches alongside my French homework. Despite all the changes in the past ten years, some things haven’t changed.